FMCG Humour: Supply Chain Communication Clarity

The United States of America, the US of A, Uncle Sam and the land of the three. No, not a typo but three visits to USA by yours truly, that is. Two for business and one for pleasure but you cannot visit there without having fun even if it is after a bit of a boring day discussing the details of how to make better soap.

While I have many great memories from the trips there is something humorous that always stands out from each visit. During the first visit to San Francisco for an externally run training course I was told that my English was quite good. The second visit was to Chicago and here after a food fight in a restaurant I was brought a plate of frogs’ legs to make me feel at home.......

humpur_FMCG_SUPPLY_CHAIN_LANGUAGE The most recent expedition was to West Point near New York City. Not even Jack Bauer could get me to reveal the reason why I was there. Strictly classified. Anyway, in every restaurant or bar bathroom was a sign stating boldly “Staff must was hands”. Well, I waited and waited but nobody came so eventually I washed them myself.

I recently blogged about the lack of clarity in general business language and here I take another look at how a few extended supply chain phrases and terms might have alternative meanings.

Sales are buoyant	The entire sales team is on a team building exercise on a boat
Volumes have softened	The freezer control on the ice cream warehouse has broken down
Service improvement	There is a new speaker system in the church
Operational efficiency	Hospital surgeons are working very well
Forecast accuracy	The weather guy got it right for once
Month-end peaking	Ordering a Chinese roast crispy duck soon after collecting salary
Stock control	A cheap remote for the TV
Capital investments	Buying a house in London or Paris or Rome
Quality control	Expensive remote for the TV
Sales remain buoyant	They are still messing around on that boat
Stock availability	Lots of gravy left over after the roast beef
Bill of materials	A guy called William from the RM/PM warehouse
Lost sales	Inevitable; we have called out the coast guard
Promotional planning	A rarely used HR tool
Transport provider	A taxi
Balanced scorecard	Golf - 74 shots on the front nine & eactly the same on the back nine
Factory gate prices rise	Now it costs more to put a barrier at the front of the factory
Pallet configuration	How an artist arranges paint
Shrink-wrap	A psychiatrist singing an Eminem song
Stock take	Your FMCG warehouse has just been robbed
Pallet utilisation	How much of the pallet is covered with paint
Cross-docking	How the boat captain feels as he finally brings the sales team back